You Can Still Save Your Troubled Marriage
Separations and divorces may be some of the most painful episodes one can experience in life. All of the beautiful promises, and the loftiest dreams, were wrapped up in that ceremony long ago, and you know that both of you believed every word of it at that time. And yet something went wrong and the pain now can be almost too much to bear.
The only good news is that the pain you feel is one sign that at the very least you still care about each other. But do you care enough to do the hard work necessary to keep this union alive? That is a very important question, because it is going to take a lot of hard work and maybe more suffering to make things right.
If you have reached the point where a marriage needs saving, you have reached the point where real work is required of you. Perhaps professional counseling can help you. If you can afford it, and it is available, this can be a very beneficial course of action. However, many people will not do well with therapists, for a wide variety of reasons, and will want to at least try to patch things up on their own.
There is nothing at all wrong with this approach, as long as both of you are committed to salvaging the relationship. Now, more than ever, you will need each other’s full support and respect. This can be exceedingly difficult when you are both hurt and angry, but it must be done, one way or another.
The first, and most important, step is figuring out just what went wrong. It will be easy enough to figure ouy what set the whole thing off, because it is at times something silly like leaving the toothpaste cap off, or leaving the toilet seat up. This is not to make light of these issues, because they are pointing to a deeper, underlying cause.
You must painstakingly look back through all of your time together in order to figure out when things started going downhill. Did one of you stop acting like you care? If so, how did you show that? Did you stop making yourself attractive for each other? Did work or school become a priority, leaving your spouse feeling like an outsider?
Did the children take away all of your time and energy? Are there substance abuse issues? Adultery issues? What is it that is coming between you to drive you apart? These are the brutal questions that must be asked. And the answers must be totally honest, too. Yes, it is going to hurt, but the only way out of the pain is by going through it.
Once the problem has become clear, then you will have to do anything, and everything, in your power to make it right. You will both need to swallow all of your pride, apologize from the bottom of your hearts, and work very hard to make things right again. This could take months, or even years, but if you aim to restore the bond you had in the past, you must be willing to walk through fire to do so.
In order to save your marriage, you must be willing to put your partner ahead of yourself. You need to do whatever is necessary to make each other feel loved again. Remember the early days when love was truly all you needed? That was true then, and you need that same feeling now to make things right.
You need to remember when the moon and the stars rose in each other’s eyes, and the sun set in each other’s heart. Remember back to the day you first got married, and muster up all of those old feelings and make them new again.
There is no pain so great that true love cannot overcome it in some way or another. A marriage is a sacred bond, and needs to be recognized as such. Look to each other in love long enough to overcome the reasons you felt like giving up, and never give up again.