Read This Before Your Ex Finds A New Partner
One of the milestones in dealing with a past relationship is the day your ex acquires a new partner. It’s like that line in the Godfather III movie. Just when you think you’re over it, your emotions pull you back in.
Turn things around by shaking free of the past and preparing yourself for the new reality in your life. Try the folllowing steps for helping you and any children you may have to adjust to the changes in your relationship.
Steps To Take For Yourself
1. Accept your feelings. It’s natural to go through a stage of jealousy or bitterness. Distinguish between having such emotions and acting on them. Realize that you can make your discomfort dissolve in time by training your mind to be peaceful.
2. Resist comparisons. Maybe his new girlfriend is younger, thinner, or more educated than you. She may even have won an Olympic gold medal in ice skating or perhaps she published a best seller. Whatever the case may be, it’s much more productive to focus on your own development instead of making comparisons.
3. Shift your attention. Technology and mutual friends make it easy to collect information about the new couple. Don’t spend your time on this. Redirect your efforts to more constructive activities.
4. Seek support. Surround yourself with family and friends who encourage you through difficult times. Talk with a counselor who specializes in relationships.
5. Restore trust. Your experiences with your ex may have affected your ability to trust others. Take baby steps to build up your comfort levels. Chat with a new neighbor. Invite a friend to attend a concert or go to the movies with you if you usually went with your ex.
6. Go out on a date. It may take time to make a lasting connection, but you can enjoy a pleasant evening out right now. Join an online dating site and meet someone for coffee.
7. Start a new project. Throw yourself into a new adventure. Sign up for an interesting class or plan a vacation.
Steps to Take With Your Children (If You Have Children)
1. Clarify the situation. Your ex may marry the first woman he meets or date around for years. Wait until they announce their engagement to think about how someone will adapt to being a new step-parent.
2. Set boundaries. If communications with your ex and his partner tend to backfire, restrict your interactions to essentials. Coordinate on matters like child care and medical appointments, but keep your private life to yourself.
3. Prioritize issues. With so many changes to deal with, concentrate on the major concerns. Ensure that your children are safe and observe basic rules.
4. Respect different household rules. You and your ex may follow your own distinctive rules when it comes to how you run your households. Provide as much consistency as possible and be tolerant about personal preferences.
5. Show compassion. Take into account that the three of you and your children are facing an unfamiliar situation. Respect each person’s opinions and empathize with their struggles.
6. Spend one-on-one time. Your children may need extra love and attention when your ex brings a new wife into the home. Plan separate activities with each child so you have the opportunity to answer their questions and talk on a deeper level. Be positive and cheerful. Ask their teachers and other adults to inform you about any changes they notice.
7. Communicate directly. Talk to your ex and his new partner instead of relaying messages through your children. Protecting your kids is worth any inconvenience.
You can find peace and still extend your good wishes to your ex and his new partner. Be honest about your feelings and make smart choices that create greater love and fulfillment in your own life.